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Those Who Cannot Do
by Ox

The guru. In the bodybuilding industry the presence of the guru has become as commonplace as chest on a Monday. And to be honest, it’s equally as annoying. Just as people in gyms everywhere have unanimously decided that Monday is the day they need to train chest, so have bodybuilders decided that a guru is what they need if they want to compete. Both sentiments are based in ignorance and are nothing more than an example of the monkey see monkey do virus that plaques this sport. Is there any better reason to do something than because the next guy is doing it? As physical as this sport is you still gotta use your brain.

But that’s why people seek out the guru right? Is it because he’s supposed to be that much smarter than you or because you simply don’t want to have to think for yourself? If you’re a stupid individual and are unable to think for yourself, the guru is for you. Because as terrible as most of them are, some of them are bound to at least know something. And most of the time it’s not because they’re smart but because they want so bad to be regarded as someone in the know that they will put all their time and energy into studying things they believe pertain to bodybuilding. So like I said, if you’re stupid or lazy, the guru is for you.

For those who seek out the guru because they believe that person is much more knowledgeable and more experienced than them, consider a few things. First off, ask yourself why this person is offering to “help” you. If they know so fucking much then why aren’t they out doing it themselves? Have they ever helped anyone before? Will your hard work and success be attributed to their expertise and used to solicit future “clients”? There are some shady motherfuckers out there and the last thing I like to see is some asshole take credit for the hard work and dedication of others. I see it all the time and it pisses me off. Are they simply doing it for the money? If they are then that’s fine. Just tell them that their pay is their compensation and to keep their fucking hands off your glory.

You also gotta wonder what this guy knows that you don’t. Technical shit and the ability to cite studies aside, does this guy have any practical application of the shit he talks? They say that those who cannot do teach. If the person has never actually “done” then that’s not okay. How the fuck is some guy going to sit there and “coach” you through your preparation for a contest when he has no fucking clue what it’s actually like? Bullshit. Think about that. And to be honest, even if the guy did it “back in the day” I’d still be skeptical because it’s easy to forget just what it’s like. I don’t train people in the gym but when I look around I see “trainers” helping their “clients”. It’s a fucking joke. Some guy is gonna help his client get ready for show. How the fuck do you do that when A. you yourself have never done it, or B. even if you have, you suck at it. Simply doing it isn’t enough. I can stick my finger in a light socket but that doesn’t make me an electrician and it sure as shit doesn’t qualify me to teach others how to be electricians. Man, the fucking blind leading the blind. It’s brutal.

Perhaps the most important question to ask yourself is who the fuck wants to be a guru? Seriously, what type of person sits there and gets off on the idea that in their own little world they’re the one that holds the key to someone else’s success. It’s straight creepy is what it is. If you want to help someone it’s one thing. If you want to maintain this guru mad scientist image then you’re a fucking weirdo and everyone should stay away from you. Only a guy with low self esteem, a tiny dick, and no friends would ever want everyone to believe that he’s some type of superhero bodybuilding witchdoctor and it’s only that type of person that would rather act as a guru and guard their “secrets” rather than teach an aspiring bodybuilder how to be confident in himself and show him how to listen to his body. An honorable person or a coach would help a bodybuilder become independent whereas a guru would aim to keep a bodybuilder dependent upon him for any number of reasons. Stay the hell away from anyone who doesn’t encourage you to have confidence in yourself and make your own decisions.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have plenty of help along the way. Because of the things I’ve learned in combination with the encouragement to have faith in myself and make my own decisions, I’m able to stand on my own two feet. But I’ve seen plenty of people out there who just want to make a buck, snag a bit of the spotlight and feed their ego at the same time. Stay the fuck away from people like that. They’re not your friend, they’ve never done it and they can’t teach you a damn thing. 


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